The Doha International Family Institute conducted a study titled The State of Marriage in the Arab World in 2019, addressing the issue of marriage age and its legal and social implications in the Gulf countries. The study highlighted a clear preference for early marriage, particularly for girls, where the typical marriage age ranged between 14 and 16 years.
However, with social and economic transformations, Gulf societies have witnessed a shift in marriage trends, with young people increasingly favoring late marriage.
A 2007 study conducted on a sample of Kuwaiti and Omani youth indicated that the preferred marriage age ranged between 26 and 30 years for males and 20 to 25 years for females, reflecting a growing trend toward delayed marriage.
In Qatar, the 2012 comprehensive annual survey by the Social and Economic Survey Research Institute revealed that the preferred marriage age was 21 years for females and 25 years for males. Meanwhile, the 2017 report by the Ministry of Development Planning and Statistics indicated that the average actual marriage age among Qataris was 26 years for males and 24 years for females.
The study attributes the rising marriage age for females to their increasing pursuit of higher education, while males tend to postpone marriage until they secure employment and financial stability.
This issue is not new. Ghithan bin Jreis highlighted it four decades ago in his study Social Life in Asir in the Modern Era, where he discussed the same challenges that Gulf societies continue to face today.
Jreis stated, “Some people have started to excessively demand high dowries for their daughters and sisters, along with extravagant wedding expenses, including costly gifts, furniture, and banquets. These financial burdens place a heavy strain on the groom and his family, discouraging many young men from marriage, which in turn leads to the spread of immorality in society and an increase in the rate of spinsterhood among women.”
As I contemplated solutions to these societal challenges, I came across an interview with educational and social specialist Hani Al-Abd Al-Qader on the Petroli Friends Podcast, titled Marriage at Puberty Amid Professional and Financial Challenges.
For nearly three decades, Hani Al-Abd Al-Qader has dedicated his life to advocating a cause that many in today’s world find strange—if not outright shocking. He calls for the immediate marriage of teenagers upon reaching puberty. At the beginning of his discussion, he posed a thought-provoking question: “Does Allah want a person to remain incomplete in character and intellect, living as a bachelor for ten or fifteen years while burdened by an overwhelming and surging desire?”
Despite the fact that the hadith of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, narrated by Abu Sa’id Al-Khudri—”When a child is born, let the parents give them a good name and upbringing, and when they reach puberty, let them be married. If they reach puberty and are not married, and they fall into sin, then the burden of that sin falls on the parents.”—supports Al-Abd Al-Qader’s argument, contemporary societies reject this notion entirely. Instead, they cite psychological, social, and health-related risks for young girls, aligning themselves with global secular movements that advocate delaying marriage.
For example, Dr. Ghassan Abdul Khaliq, in his book Women: Manifestations and Future Horizons (2015), argues that early marriage poses significant health risks, claiming that young girls are not physically prepared to bear the burdens of pregnancy and childbirth, which may lead to high maternal and infant mortality rates.
From a psychological perspective, he asserts that young girls are not ready to handle the responsibilities that come with marriage, particularly in cases where the husband or his family exerts dominance over them. This can result in severe psychological trauma, especially during the first sexual encounter. Socially, early marriage forces young girls into roles they are not mature enough to manage, leading to marital problems that often end in early divorce. Consequently, many young divorcees are left with the responsibility of raising children without the necessary emotional or financial stability.
Men, too, face societal and psychological pressures regarding marriage. Nahla Laamimish, writing for Al Jazeera Blogs, discusses why men fear taking the step toward marriage. She explains that men naturally seek to present themselves as strong and capable of handling responsibilities, making them anxious about the possibility of failing in their marital roles. If they do experience marital failure, it can have a lasting negative impact on their future, creating psychological barriers they may struggle to overcome. This fear is exacerbated by the high expectations imposed by both partners and society, placing men under immense pressure to avoid appearing weak or incapable.
Hani Al-Abd Al-Qader does not dismiss these concerns. However, he argues that the fear of future poverty is a satanic conspiracy aimed at preventing or delaying marriage, ultimately leading to the spread of immorality and illicit relationships. As a result, the institution of the family collapses, dragging society down with it.
He supports his argument with a verse from the Quran, found in Surah Al-Baqarah:
“Satan threatens you with poverty and commands you to immorality, while Allah promises you forgiveness and bounty. And Allah is all-encompassing and all-knowing.” (Al-Baqarah 2:268)
Even those who fear immediate financial hardship and use it as a justification for delaying marriage, Al-Abd Al-Qader argues, are disregarding a divine command. He emphasizes that guardians are instructed by Allah to facilitate the marriage of the unmarried, with a divine promise of provision. He references Surah An-Nur:
“And marry off the single among you and the righteous among your male and female servants. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty. And Allah is all-bountiful, all-knowing.” (An-Nur 24:32)
Ultimately, the modern world has become excessively materialistic, completely disregarding the promises of Allah in His Book and the teachings of His Prophet ﷺ. These divine principles, once the foundation of human societies, are now viewed with skepticism and disbelief by many.
According to an article by Imam Shirazi on Al-Nabaa Information Network, several factors have contributed to the shift towards materialism. The primary factor is the relentless pursuit of wealth, beauty, and worldly pleasures, even through unethical means. This has led to a decline in moral values, resulting in increased conflicts and disputes among individuals, as people prioritize their material interests over the rights of others.
Imam Shirazi also highlighted the excessive consumerism driven by advertisements and media, which has led to a detachment from spiritual and moral values. This materialistic immersion has negatively impacted both individual and societal balance, weakening the emphasis on ethical and religious principles.
Hani Al-Abd Al-Qader adds that, until relatively recently, marriage in Muslim societies commonly took place at puberty or shortly thereafter. However, with the British colonization of Egypt in 1882, there was a deliberate effort to weaken the institution of the family by manipulating the educational timeline. This restructuring of societal priorities and marriage timing gradually spread to the rest of the Muslim world at varying degrees.
Religious education, once highly regarded, lost its significance. In older films from the 1940s onwards, comedic portrayals of Arabic language teachers, religious scholars, and marriage officiants depicted them with exaggerated speech and gestures to mock their appearance and role.
The emphasis in this imported education system shifted towards scientific subjects while marginalizing Quranic and religious studies, depriving them of their rightful value. For example, in Egypt, the results of religious education exams do not contribute to a student’s overall academic grade.
Consequently, securing well-paying jobs became increasingly difficult for graduates of Arabic language institutes or religious education programs. Those who did find employment were often offered minimal salaries that barely covered basic living expenses.
The Gulf region has not been immune to these changes. With the adoption of modernity, family life has become increasingly complex. The cost of marriage has risen, and the requirements for starting a family have become more demanding, leading to delays in marriage. Traditional family roles have shifted, and social relationships have been influenced by more individualistic and materialistic values.
In 2006, Qatar enacted a Family Law that set the minimum marriage age at 18 for males and 16 for females, following discussions that began in 2000. This legislation was a compromise between religious scholars who supported marriage at puberty and societal groups that opposed child marriage.
In an interview with Al-Bayan Newspaper, Dr. Abdul Hamid Al-Ansari, former dean of the College of Sharia and Law at Qatar University, noted that this law attempts to balance differing perspectives. However, a legal paradox remains in Qatar’s laws—while a 16-year-old girl is considered a legal minor, unable to obtain an ID card or a driver’s license, she is still permitted to marry at this age.
Al-Ansari argues that child marriage constitutes a violation of childhood innocence and is often perpetuated by societal complicity and encouragement from certain religious figures who associate early marriage with moral protection.
On the other hand, Fahd bin Mohammed Al-Ghafeeli advocates for early marriage. In his book Early Marriage and Determining the Age of Marriage (2014), he states that Islamic law does not specify a particular age for marriage, neither explicitly nor implicitly. He argues that “The All-Wise and All-Knowing Creator has not legislated any fixed age for marriage in the scriptures.”
It is impossible to overlook the intense sexual desire that emerges in the human body at puberty, which requires proper regulation. In his book Secrets of Desire and Sexual Behavior (2010), Dr. Taha Hassan states that as adolescence begins, teenagers start discussing sexually related topics, which can awaken their sexual instincts and enhance their imagination, inclinations, and desires in this area.
This phase is characterized by increasing curiosity, as teenagers seek to understand the physical and psychological changes they are experiencing. However, they often struggle to ask questions about these changes or discuss them openly, making it essential for parents and schools to provide appropriate education and guidance.
Dr. Taha Hassan further emphasizes that this education should include accurate information about the physiological changes that occur during this stage, such as breast development and menstruation in girls, and erections and nocturnal emissions in boys.
The absence of proper guidance often leads teenagers to seek information from peers or unreliable sources, which can result in misunderstandings about these natural changes. In some cases, misinformation may even lead to behavioral deviations or incorrect beliefs about sex and reproductive health.
Therefore, parents and educational institutions must play an active role in providing proper guidance to ensure a well-balanced upbringing based on sound knowledge.
Hani Al-Abd Al-Qader warns that delaying marriage for ten to fifteen years after puberty strips marriage of its intended role as a means of chastity and protection. It also deprives adolescence of its fundamental purpose, which is to provide an optimal period for marriage.
He then poses a crucial question: Why did Allah create such a powerful sexual drive that attracts individuals to the opposite sex at puberty, long before full maturity and intellectual development?
He answers by stating that puberty is a transitional stage between childhood and adulthood, making it the most suitable time for marriage. At this stage, both partners are still somewhat childlike, engaging in playfulness and innocence. Even if disputes or conflicts arise, their youthful disposition enables them to reconcile quickly. This early marriage fosters a deep friendship between spouses, leading to strong mutual trust and shared sentimental memories.
Al-Abd Al-Qader argues that these early physiological changes serve as an evident and undeniable signal to parents that their sons and daughters have urgent sexual and emotional needs. Thus, he advocates for immediate marriage upon puberty, with parents taking responsibility for nurturing and supporting this early union—both emotionally and financially—within the framework of an extended family system, until the young couple reaches full maturity and self-sufficiency.
He also warns against prolonged pre-marital relationships, believing that marital intimacy itself is sufficient to establish an affectionate bond between spouses. He contends that extended courtship before marriage often leads to disputes in the absence of a sexual relationship to reinforce the emotional connection.
For this reason, he emphasizes that the concept of tranquility (sakan) in marriage precedes love and mercy in the Quranic verse from Surah Ar-Rum:
“And among His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find tranquility in them. And He placed between you affection and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.” (Ar-Rum 30:21)
He interprets tranquility in this verse as a reference to fulfilling sexual desire between spouses, which naturally leads to affection and mercy in their relationship.
The solution lies in avoiding the formation of nuclear families, as Dr. Abdelwahab Elmessiri stated in his book The Earthly Paradise (1979):
“In the nuclear family, a man’s freedom is partially restricted, while a woman’s freedom is entirely confiscated. This is in contrast to the extended family, where a wife can establish relationships with her sister, mother, and even mother-in-law, while a man can form connections with his male acquaintances. Additionally, children’s communities contribute to the exchange of experiences and human maturation.”
Hani Al-Abd Al-Qader goes further in his critique of the modern nuclear family, arguing that it does not align with human nature. He describes it as resembling an animalistic family structure, where children are raised only by their parents—or possibly just one of them—without the involvement of grandparents and extended relatives.
He considers the extended family, which includes the young couple, their children, and their grandparents, to be the ideal family model. In this structure, grandparents provide financial security, sincere guidance from their life experiences, and comprehensive care for the younger generations, reinforcing Elmessiri’s perspective.
Moreover, the extended family living in a shared household contributes to economic advancement. Instead of young couples burdening themselves with loans to build a new home or spending a large portion of their income on rent, family finances can be directed toward investment and savings that benefit both the family and society as a whole.
As the years pass, grandparents will have their children and grandchildren to care for them. Here, Al-Abd Al-Qader highlights the significance of the word “with you” in the Quranic verse from Surah Al-Isra:
“And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age with you, do not say to them [even] ‘uff,’ and do not repel them, but speak to them a noble word.” (Al-Isra 17:23)
Al-Abd Al-Qader interprets this verse as evidence that, in a natural and healthy society, elderly parents should be cared for with their children, rather than being left alone or neglected.
He provides an illustrative example of an extended family: a teenage couple marries at puberty—around the age of 15—and has a child. Their child, in turn, marries at 15 within the family home, and they then have a grandchild. By the time this grandchild reaches 15 and marries, the original couple (now grandparents) would be in their early 30s. If their grandchild follows the same pattern, they would witness the birth of their great-grandchild in their mid-40s.
And if this cycle continues, by the time they reach their mid-60s, they would see their great-great-grandchild, living in a multi-story household filled with five generations living together in close harmony.
This extended family model, which Al-Abd Al-Qader advocates, fosters warmth, strong kinship bonds, and long-term intergenerational support through grandparents, parents, and uncles.
Amidst the rapid transformations in the Muslim world, the issue of early marriage and the challenges facing modern families have become more urgent than ever. Society has become trapped in a materialistic system that sees marriage only as a financial burden, forgetting that divine wisdom calls for marriage to be facilitated rather than complicated.
While many voices warn against early marriage, they often overlook the greater risks of delaying it—such as the spread of illicit relationships, family breakdown, and the loss of emotional and psychological stability among youth.
Research has demonstrated that extended families can successfully support early marriages, nurturing them until they reach full stability. In contrast, the nuclear family model has left individuals responsible only for themselves, forcing new generations to struggle with life’s demands without adequate support.
If past generations married at puberty and experienced more stable family structures, why is early marriage now seen as a societal catastrophe, while teenagers and young adults are left vulnerable to suppressed desires and surrounding temptations?
Returning to the natural order prescribed by religion is not a backward step—it is a necessary measure to protect families from disintegration, safeguard human dignity, and restore balance between the sexes.
When individuals break free from materialistic ideologies and place their trust in God’s promise to facilitate marriage and provide sustenance, they will realize that the solutions have always been within reach. Yet, these solutions have been obscured by foreign ideologies imposed by colonialism and globalization.
Today, we face two choices: either we restore the institution of marriage to its natural and religious framework, or we continue down the path of excessive complexity and delay—until we lose the last remnants of our values and morals.
