Usually, when you receive a call late at night, you feel anxious, and your hands tremble because such late calls often do not bode well.
I received a sudden call that filled my heart with fear. My subconscious told me that the caller had terrible news about my family, especially since we are expatriates far from our homeland. The woes of living abroad are visible in our hearts due to our distance from our relatives.
It was a call from my friend who shared my experience living abroad in Turkey. Fear settled in my heart, and I rushed to her when she spoke to me sobbing, asking to meet me urgently. I repeatedly asked her, “Did something happen to someone?” She tried to reassure me that our families were fine, but due to my extreme anxiety, I did not believe her.
As soon as I reached her, I saw strikingly apparent signs of defeat in her face and sorrow deeply seated in her eyes. After a long bout of crying, I stood silent in astonishment, trying to understand the reason for this collapse.
She said, “My husband married another, and I feel my ribs tightened from the sheer frustration.”
I sat listening to her, not uttering a word. She recalled the difficult situations they had shared, sometimes crying, other times smiling through the pain. Amidst the conversation, she repeated one sentence: “My husband broke me and shattered our memories into fragments that hurt me.”
I asked her how she found out about his marriage and whether he had been open with her or had hidden it from her.
This chapter of her life was painful, as she had found out through a friend who stumbled upon the news by chance, to the point that she couldn’t believe it at first.
The impact of the news was severe on her; she told me in tears that she felt the home she had built over the years with affection and love had collapsed inside her in a single moment, and the trust in her heart was shattered, turning into a pile of ruins.
My friend told me that she is aware of the religious verdict and that her husband has not transgressed God’s limits, but he has crossed the boundaries of the love she holds for him. He knows that she is extremely jealous, and her heart tightens if she feels that another woman has taken a liking to him, so how can he live another life with another woman?
I chose silence then, and my tongue tied itself to calm her down. When I returned home, I contacted a psychologist the following day. I asked her about a way out of the feelings of tearing and breakage that women feel due to polygamy, especially since many wives initially ask for a divorce. Still, after a while, they find no choice but to accept the reality for the children’s sake and reluctantly agree.
There are severe psychological symptoms and feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, and deficiency that affect a woman after her husband marries another, and they do not subside until after a considerable period.
Dr Mohamed Hani, Consultant for Mental Health and Family Relations, explains in an interview on MBC Misr that men often marry another wife to satisfy their desires and not for comprehensive and apparent reasons, which inflicts psychological harm on the first wife. This harm can include psychological distortions and loss of confidence. He believes that she has the right to request a divorce to prevent damage, avoid bouts of depression, suffer strokes, or attempt suicide.
On the other hand, Abbas Mahmoud Al Aqqad believes that the benefits of polygamy are not exclusive to men over women. For a wife whose husband marries another woman – even if she is infertile or ill and does not want to separate from her husband – Islam allows her to keep him without forcing her to divorce and deprive her of her husband.
As for the wife who accepts marriage to a married man, Islam does not compel her to do so. Moreover, prohibiting the legislation of polygamy denies women a broader choice between single and married men. In certain circumstances, a woman might prefer that her husband have other wives rather than being a mistress in the shadows.
In his book The Truths of Islam and the Falsehoods of Its Opponents (1957), he says, “There is no objection to the legislation of polygamy for women, as long as the decision is left to her will. She may refuse what she dislikes and accept what she sees as not demeaning to her or sees as a lesser necessity than other necessities she refuses.”
The prohibition of polygamy tightens the noose on both men and women, so why do some reject legislation that others might accept to meet their needs or necessities?
Al-Aqqad continues to explain his idea, saying, “Among these necessities is that a man keeps his wife who may be infertile or sick; he does not want to leave her, nor does she want to leave him. Another is the increase in the number of women during wars and strife, along with the observed increase in the number of women compared to men at many times. Suppose a woman consents to marry a man who already has a wife in these circumstances. In that case, it is more honourable for her than consenting to a mistress relationship where she has no rights over her husband. It is much more honourable than consenting to demean herself due to poverty or to sell herself in the market of vice.”
As an example of legislation that criminalizes polygamy, Tunisian law in Order 13 of August 1956 concerning the issuance of the Personal Status Code, states in Article 18, “Polygamy is prohibited,” and the prohibition is enforced with a punishment of “imprisonment for a year and a fine of two hundred and forty thousand francs, or one of these penalties, even if the new marriage was not conducted in accordance with the law.”
Article 21 punishes both spouses with imprisonment for three months and considers the marriage “void”; indeed, it voids the entire marriage. “If the spouses continue cohabitation despite the declaration of the annulment of their marriage, they are punished with imprisonment for six months.”
Islam has permitted polygamy and set regulations for it in Surah An-Nisa, where it is said: “If you fear you might fail to give orphan women their due rights if you were to marry them, then marry other women of your choice—two, three, or four. But if you are afraid you will fail to maintain justice, then content yourselves with one or those bondwomen in your possession. This way, you are less likely to commit injustice.”
Islamic law did not make polygamy unconditional and without restrictions. In a narration by Tirmidhi, from Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: “Whoever has two wives and is inclined to one of them, will come on the Day of Resurrection with one of his sides slanting.”
Returning to the story of my friend who accidentally learned of her husband’s marriage to another woman, many Arab legislations have regulated polygamy by requiring the husband to inform his first wife of his intention to enter into a new marriage with another woman. These legislations also require the prospective wife to be informed of a man’s marital status before marrying him, as seen in the laws of Qatar, Jordan, and others.
Article 14 of the Qatari Family Law No. (22) for 2006 stipulates that “in all cases, all other wives shall be notified of this marriage after execution thereof.”
Looking at the Moroccan Family Code, we find that it requires the previous wife’s consent even if she did not stipulate this in the marriage contract, in addition to “giving the right to the woman being married upon, to request divorce for harm,” and what ensues from that in terms of giving her full rights after the divorce.
The legislation allowing polygamy remains an option available for men or even women who need it, and it cannot be imposed on Anyone. However, banning it opens the door to illegitimate relationships that threaten society as a whole or, at best, lead to crooked methods of marriage that are not officially documented, which primarily undermines women’s rights.
The negative phenomena of polygamy that we observe in our Societies are merely the result of some exploiting this legislation improperly. Society and lawmakers must address these issues by closing loopholes and refining morals.
